Thunter's Roleplay Training

[Gary]

W E L C O M E

Thunter, welcome to your roleplay training. In order to fit in with the pack, a certain level of roleplay/literacy skills are required for attainment. It's not a bad thing to need help... just a step! Roleplay is fun and can be even more fun once you can include more stuffing in your little posts. Our pack is a story, continuously building up with the efforts of our members and rising into a great tower of improvement and success. In order to keep this story moving, we need willing members at that required level. Roleplay training can be quick, easy, and maybe even enjoyable.

In order to make things easier and less confusing, I will use several symbols when correcting your posts and making improvements.

((text in double parenthesis is just notes))
purple words need to be changed
blue words are questionable/incorrect in usage
things in red are added punctuation, capitalization, or grammar improvement.

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S E T T I N G: ruined meadows

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Nessa

The meadows had become a frequent haunt of hers, a place she could go to enjoy the solitude that the city outskirts provided. She took comfort in the decaying valleys, a symbol of a once grand civilization that had been long forgotten with the passage of time, which was unkind to all things. The looming carcass of the ruins was empty, harboring little more then twisted weeds that had forced through the cracks, and the chilled presence of memories. Birds sometimes perched and nested on the towering trees leaning over in inquiry, but she did not see many of them. It was the kind of place that if you let your mind run on the idea of ghosts and ghouls, then it was likely to give you the creeps. Perhaps the birds sensed this, and kept away. But the thing that frightened them drew her in, and she enjoyed the silent halls of the dead, perhaps even more then she liked the ruins themselves over in the city part of the territory. She was wandering the moor when she thought he heard a howl, but after a moment of listening to the silence in its wake she shrugged it off, more interested in going about her lonely day then getting caught up with strangers. But noise had a way of deceiving the ears, and she soon found that the source had come from within the bowels of the curving meadows, the very place she had intended to spend the morning. She moved at a quick trot beneath the archways and pillars, pausing momentarily as the mingled scents of dogs wafted into her nose. One she thought she recognized, but it was hard to tell with the others pressing intrusively against her nostrils. She had half a mind to leave then, to let them go about their business in peace, but curiosity got the better of her. She wanted to know what so many canines could be doing, so deep into the nothingness of the deceased grassland. Perhaps such a dead land was too ironic of a landscape for the wolf to choose to tread upon. Jennezia strode easily across the dry grasses that lead toward the rickety old blossoms further up the road, her stride uneven and ridden with sporadic jerking and flinching. Her unhealthy diet had left the girl with a few problems pertaining to her physical health. It was not because of the pain the that had developed inside her every time she left her camps to investigate elsewhere and carry out typical duties, but because of her own interest that she burdened herself with exploration. She had grown into this petite round of a female because of this that she worried about her own self sometimes. Although the squabble had been days ago, it seemed to be that every time the wolf closed her eye there would be flashes of the pain she'd been writhing on the ground from, sick and hungry. She could still hear the scraping of teeth against bones like nails on a chalkboard, and the final sigh that signified infection's union with her. It left her already sunken expression further empty and eerie, now with depth that wasn't previously there in her emerald eyes. All that was left was a ghastly scar, invisible in color, that ran clear through the inky blackness that could be identified as her trampled heart. The unnaturally blank expression the wolf wore never ceased to fade as she continued her strange dance. Almost as if Jennezia's ears could pick up the soft sound of the stranger's muttering she was walking to, she began to jerk and sway in time to the steady twirling language that came from the character's thin maws. Each cough that burst fourth from the lanky-legged female's mouth was almost like a bullet or a bludgeon striking her back in the chest, knocking her off balance and causing her to stumble for ground. The first caused the calico's head to jerk awkwardly to the left and then tiptoe back into position, causing Jen to take a breath, slowly sinking downward almost as if mocking slow-motion. She was scared that she would end up intimidating whoever she was walking towards, forcing them into inquiry and making them flee off towards the badger den that was on the horizon. She was in pain, hunger, unrest. This was not a good idea. This was a last minute decision that had to be carried out anyway. Jennezia tripped and lurched further into the meadow where she began to make out the rises and falls of the green hills that circled the bowl like area; the stones and slopes and general grass that lined the rounds of the area that she'd grown to roam. voice regular

Take some time to simmer down, keep your head down low

Your objective: use your skills to write a reply, introducing Thunter to Jennezia in whichever fashion you deem best.

[Thunter]

What do I say?

[Gary]

This is treated like a normal roleplay :P You just write a reply to my post like you normally would.

[Thunter]

Post a reply to what?

[Gary]

I have a feeling that you haven't read the first post on the page. If you would, please do so.

[Thunter]

I did, and you said that you were grading me on something (or something like that) but I haven't found out what it is yet.

[Gary]

Look... I have my post table which includes my post. If that is unclear, this is what I posted.

The meadows had become a frequent haunt of hers, a place she could go to enjoy the solitude that the city outskirts provided. She took comfort in the decaying valleys, a symbol of a once grand civilization that had been long forgotten with the passage of time, which was unkind to all things. The looming carcass of the ruins was empty, harboring little more then twisted weeds that had forced through the cracks, and the chilled presence of memories. Birds sometimes perched and nested on the towering trees leaning over in inquiry, but she did not see many of them. It was the kind of place that if you let your mind run on the idea of ghosts and ghouls, then it was likely to give you the creeps. Perhaps the birds sensed this, and kept away. But the thing that frightened them drew her in, and she enjoyed the silent halls of the dead, perhaps even more then she liked the ruins themselves over in the city part of the territory.

She was wandering the moor when she thought he heard a howl, but after a moment of listening to the silence in its wake she shrugged it off, more interested in going about her lonely day then getting caught up with strangers. But noise had a way of deceiving the ears, and she soon found that the source had come from within the bowels of the curving meadows, the very place she had intended to spend the morning. She moved at a quick trot beneath the archways and pillars, pausing momentarily as the mingled scents of dogs wafted into her nose. One she thought she recognized, but it was hard to tell with the others pressing intrusively against her nostrils. She had half a mind to leave then, to let them go about their business in peace, but curiosity got the better of her. She wanted to know what so many canines could be doing, so deep into the nothingness of the deceased grassland.

Perhaps such a dead land was too ironic of a landscape for the wolf to choose to tread upon. Jennezia strode easily across the dry grasses that lead toward the rickety old blossoms further up the road, her stride uneven and ridden with sporadic jerking and flinching. Her unhealthy diet had left the girl with a few problems pertaining to her physical health. It was not because of the pain the that had developed inside her every time she left her camps to investigate elsewhere and carry out typical duties, but because of her own interest that she burdened herself with exploration. She had grown into this petite round of a female because of this that she worried about her own self sometimes. Although the squabble had been days ago, it seemed to be that every time the wolf closed her eye there would be flashes of the pain she'd been writhing on the ground from, sick and hungry. She could still hear the scraping of teeth against bones like nails on a chalkboard, and the final sigh that signified infection's union with her. It left her already sunken expression further empty and eerie, now with depth that wasn't previously there in her emerald eyes. All that was left was a ghastly scar, invisible in color, that ran clear through the inky blackness that could be identified as her trampled heart.

The unnaturally blank expression the wolf wore never ceased to fade as she continued her strange dance. Almost as if Jennezia's ears could pick up the soft sound of the stranger's muttering she was walking to, she began to jerk and sway in time to the steady twirling language that came from the character's thin maws. Each cough that burst fourth from the lanky-legged female's mouth was almost like a bullet or a bludgeon striking her back in the chest, knocking her off balance and causing her to stumble for ground. The first caused the calico's head to jerk awkwardly to the left and then tiptoe back into position, causing Jen to take a breath, slowly sinking downward almost as if mocking slow-motion. She was scared that she would end up intimidating whoever she was walking towards, forcing them into inquiry and making them flee off towards the badger den that was on the horizon. She was in pain, hunger, unrest. This was not a good idea. This was a last minute decision that had to be carried out anyway.

Jennezia tripped and lurched further into the meadow where she began to make out the rises and falls of the green hills that circled the bowl like area; the stones and slopes and general grass that lined the rounds of the area that she'd grown to roam.

I'm asking you to reply to that post like you would normally roleplay. Forget the grading, for now, if that's what's throwing you off.

[Thunter]

How do I reply to something like that? It's to much for me to process.

[Gary]

On the other hand, you will meet people with a wide array of literacy that you have to learn to cope with in order to accept the sport. In order to proceed with this [necessary] training, you'll have to cooperate and make this situation easier for the both of us and go ahead and read the post.

[Thunter]

I already did.

[Gary]

Fabulous. Now all you have to go is write the reply.

[Thunter]

But I don't understand what is going on in this who is Jen? Am I the one chasing her, what's going on here?

[Gary]

You can do whatever you want. This is a roleplay, not a jail cell. Jen is my alternative character who I decided to use for this for my own improvement.

Nobody is chasing her but her own delusion. I thought I'd explained that.

[Thunter]

Thunder was wondering through when he heard something rushing. He turned to see the thing he thought he heard. He saw about her wolf running as though it were being chased, Thunter quickly run towards the direction were the confused wolf was supposedly being chased. When he arrived to were he last saw the wolf he notice that nobody was around. Questioning that wolf wasn't being chased at all he slowly approached the tired wolf.

[Gary]

Your post:

Thunder was wondering through when he heard something rushing ((you can use words like rustling, moving, progressing; there are many more descriptive ways to describe movement that you shouldn't be afraid to try out. This is a sanctum of trial and error.)). He turned to see the thing he thought he heard. He saw about her wolf running as though it were being chased, Thunter quickly run towards the direction were the confused wolf was supposedly being chased ((technically, Thunter briefly saw Jennezia, so he wouldn't realize that she was being chased. There is now all-seeing eye in this universe :P)). ((You just started several sentences with the word "he". Please keep in mind that a little bit of variation is necessary to make colouring writing.)) When he arrived to were he last saw the wolf he notice that nobody was around. Questioning that wolf wasn't being chased at all he slowly approached the tired wolf. ((A little circumlocutious and barely gets your point across... sometimes being straightforward is best. I.e. After beginning to realize that no one was chasing the wolf [who you wouldn't know was being chased anyway], Thunter committed to approach her.))

My post:

The darkness was thick, something akin to a pressing substance that seemed to push against her dappled figure. The weather had been angry as of late, and though no rain fell against the earth the swath of clouds still obscured the sky, blocking out the stars and moon that should have glittered above in the heavens. But she did not mind, having become a creature of secret and solitude, and the dark was like a cloak that blanketed her against the surrounding world. She had severed all contact with her family, had turned her back on the strong figures in which she had been raised in command of, and had forfeited all ties to the canine world. In essence she was no longer a wolf, she had become something less then that, a mere shadow, trudging in the wake of society. She found no interest in mingling with those of her own kind, and as such it had been some time since she had ventured in the meadow.

Her time in the wilderness had taken its toll. Her fur, once clean and luxurious - as much as a wild animal's coat could be - was now spiked and greasy, clumps of dirt and more disgusting things clinging to her legs and belly. Though she should have been in her prime she was not, her frame thin beneath the medium length coat she sported, and as the days passed she found herself with less energy than she had once possessed. Things that had motivated her no longer did so. Even hunting seemed like a chore, a thing she had once taken great pleasure in, but now found uninteresting. There were days that she did not bother to feed herself at all, and she noted with only mild concern that she was slowly wasting away. It was partially that reason she had returned to the city, perhaps there she could find purpose again. But she had no intentions of seeking out those she had once known, and if by chance she was to find anyone from her past she planned on avoiding them.

She did not know the time, only that it was in the early hours of morning as she walked down the darkened aisles of weed and flower. There were rodents scurrying along the bushes and over the stones, moving in and out of the festering gutters in their never ending search for food, and for a moment she had half a mind to try and catch one. But even at the thought she felt slightly queasy, and decided against it. Perhaps she would happen upon something of a more delectable nature as he roamed aimlessly through the slumbering city.

There was a rustle ahead which slowly revealed a figure; a male of whom had a thick form and an inquiring gait. Trouble, Jennezia knew, but even in her life of solitude she still yearned for speech. Shaping up, she tilted her head softly and said to him, quietly, "Sir, is there a problem?"

[Thunter]

(I don't even know what half of those words typed ment I vocabulary is very poor. And don't you think this type of paragraph is a little extreme for somebody that is new to role playing?

[Gary]

http://dictionary.reference.com/ This website may be helpful. Also, I think the level that I am giving you is perfect for thought, analysis and reply. I'm just giving you something to go off of c:

[Thunter]

Ha, Not for me it isn't.

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